- 12:30 -
So last night I was working for some sort of humongous company whose job it was to find certain people. They had tons of different divisions, but the whole company was kept a big secret. And at the head of this company was one man who was pretty famous. He was on the tv all the time and he had all sorts of rallies and stuff, but I never actually met him - my boss.
Anyway, I was working in this baseball division. Haha.
Let me explain.
Our boss had started a nation-wide adult baseball league. Kind of like slow pitch softball, only it was competitive, and, you know, baseball.
They hired Jordan and I to play on a special team as pitcher and catcher. Our team played in leagues everywhere, pretty much a game a day. All the people on our team were working for this company, and our job is to look through this big list of people we were given, and then while we’re at these games, listen for the announcer to say a name of a person on the list. If we found someone, one of us were supposed to “small talk” and make friends with them afterwards, and try to find out as much as we could about them, and then report everything to the people higher up. The best thing to do was be invited over for drinks after the games so that we could find out where they live. We were supposed to keep cameras with us and sneak pictures at every possible moment.
So at the end of one of the work weeks, our team calls a ‘business’ party kind of thing for the people working in our division. I go and hang out a bit at the party, which is at some kind of secretive office. But after a little bit, three of the people there tell me that they’re going to go to our boss’s house, and asked me if I wanted to join.
Like I said, our boss was a very well-known man with TONS of power, and I had never met him before. So I didn’t miss a chance to go meet him.
I follow the three people in my jeep, alone, to our boss’s house. When I get in, I shake his hand and talk just a bit, and then set off in search of a bathroom. I find a door, but when I open it, it leads downstairs, and my curiosity takes hold and I go down. About halfway down the stairs, though, I start to see these big glass chambers spread out through a humongous basement. In the middle of each chamber are big steel tables. On some of the tables lie people. All naked and some very bloody and mutilated. I feel sick, but I turn to my right and see an Indian dude strapped to a table in a chamber closest to me, who is screaming. I recognize him as one of the people I had made friends with at a baseball game and then reported. Another guy in a doctor’s outfit had a mask and gloves on with a knife in his hand. I took a few quick pictures of the place, and ran back upstairs. I felt horrible now knowing that I was helping round up people to be tortured.
Monday came around, and I didn’t know what to do about quitting. I went to one last game somewhere in the south. While I was dressed and at the fields with the team, I see Laura Roberts (an instructor from MAD camp) who sees me and comes to say hi. We talk for a little while, but she seems somewhat paranoid. I ask her about it, and she says that the end times have started. She asks me if I’ve heard of the man who is my boss. Keeping my cool, I say that I’ve seen him around on television, but I didn’t know much about him.
She then tells me that she (along with many other people in her underground movement) is sure that my boss is the Antichrist. She says, “We’re starting to figure out that they have secret organizations that track Christians down and torture them.
I suddenly felt horrible and knew I had to quit and run away immediately. I don’t know how he didn’t find out I was Christian.
I talk to Jordan in the locker room about splitting, and he says that we shouldn’t be talking about such things. We get in a big argument, and he keeps saying that we’d never get away if we wanted. The man or his people would find us. I asked him how, and he told me to look in the seem of my pants. Once I did, I found a mic sewn in there, and realized that our whole conversation had been heard.
Finally, we decided to run in the jeep with Jordan, me, and another guy. The last thing I remember is the other dude, (whose name I think is peter), saw a camera attached to my car as we drove. He reached out the window and pulled it off, but within a few minutes, we were being chased.
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- 11:00 -
So I really remember only a small glimpse of this dream, and I usually wouldn’t post anything this short, but this was kinda strange, so I decided to anyway.
I was in a…. I don’t know where I was, exactly. I knew I was underground, in a bunch of circular chambers stacked one on top of the other. I started out on the bottom one, where it was really darkly lit by candles toward the ceiling. (I don’t remember how I got down there, but I seem to remember that I was down there because I was out trying to find some long lost secret about the world. Kind of Indiana Jones style or something) There was some weird kind of animal flying around above me in the darkness, and suddenly flew too close to one of the candles, which went out in the gust. After it went out, all of the other candles went out one by one and I suddenly felt like the whole structure was going to cave in because the place had just started rumbling.
Now, this was one of those dreams where you know what’s going to happen the whole time, because you think you’ve had the dream before, and you’re just remembering events that have already happened in a past dream, but when you stop and think about it, you realize that you’ve never had that dream before.
So anyway, I started remembering how the whole place was going to collapse, I would get out, and get blamed and punished for it. So I really wasn’t that panicked as I started to climb these very narrow staircases up to the next levels of the underground column.
Every new level I reached would look pretty much the same, except it would be a little bit lighter, until all at once I started being able to read some writing that had been written on the wall. I got the feeling then that they were clues, or rather, just someone’s way of talking to me who wanted me to find more answers about whatever I was looking for. All the things written were done so in a very casual way, and all of them seemed to have told me something about the person who wrote them. I don’t remember what I read on the first two walls I saw, but I remember what I read on the third just before I woke up. It was this:
“I hate the fact that the apostle Peter’s first son is named ‘SHABBAT’”.
I don’t know what that meant exactly, but thanks to google, I found out that ‘Shabbat’ is Hebrew for Sabbath. Still doesn’t clear much up, but whatever…
So did Peter have any kids? lol
Filed under: Uncategorized
Written and performed by “One Diddy Down”
A long, long time ago…
We can still remember
How last year’s music only made us cry.
And we knew if we had our chance
That we could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.
But football season found us unwell
With every snapping ACL,
The injured on the bench wept;
They couldn’t take one more step.
I can’t remember if I cried
When CHSAA came and crushed our pride,
We couldn’t change it if we tried
The day the cheering died.
So bye-bye, our school spirit just died.
See you later, tiger hater,
CHSAA says your not nice.
And good old boys still held their ground on the side,
Screamin’, “just another rule to defy.
“just another rule to deny.”
Did you see our free hour leave,
And did you hear all the seniors greive,
How could they just let it go?
Do you believe that you could guard,
This whole dang school with plastic cards.
And can’t you see that Pro-star’s way too slow?
I don’t know why they all were for it,
That program seems so prehistoric.
Please log off again.
Man, I wish it all would end!
We were some boring teenage high-school boys,
With a made-up college and a wayward joy,
They found a bright new yellow toy,
The day they hitched a ride.
They started singin’,
We need some help if you please,
Hopped a school bus, broke some rules but,
Only went to Wiley!
And four good boys, they’re falling down on their knees,
Praying “Please don’t give us trespassing,
Please don’t give us trespassing…”
Now in two short months we’ll be on our own,
Some will stay close and some will roam,
And that’s how it will always be.
When the time comes we’ll say goodbye,
Our friends will cheer and families cry,
But we’ll only find the joy in being free.
Oh, and when this year comes to an end,
They won’t know how to start again.
Next year won’t be that great;
‘Cause we just dominate!
And while Angie wiped up all her tears,
Then Hansen knew his end was near,
The time arrived, the time they feared,
The day we all divide.
They were singing,
“bye-bye, I’m so terrified.
That class was off the heezie,
Always had a good time.”
And those good kids are goin’ to tell us goodbye
Sayin’, “thanks for teaching us to fly.
“thanks for teaching us to fly.”
Well since we’ve still got time to go.
Let’s flash back to all that snow,
Three feet deep and falling fast.
It landed heavy on the grass.
And took four months for it all to pass,
Cabin Fever really was a blast!
Now our sarcasm might be our doom,
But it gets us through the afternoon.
And sometimes we make up words,
Schlamatackle a la girde!
One time Jordan tried to speak,
But he didn’t have the right technique.
“That’s a dumb…..?” What the freak?
“The day good grammar…..?”
We started singing,
“bye-bye, to the………..”
Tryin’ to talk …………..,
But the words…………..
I love………………….
And singin’, “………………..die.
“this is……………………….die.”
Naomi caused the kids to fuss,
She left us waiting by the bus,
The meet was over two hours before.
Schlott dropped down a couple grades
and the computers really wished he’d stay,
They crashed the moment he walked out the door.
But in the end: the wise will speak,
The hats will fly, and we shall seek
The futures we desire;
We’ll set our goals still higher.
And the three folks that I hold dear:
Medina, Hansen, and Bohl i fear,
They’ll catch the last train out of here
The day we say goodbye
So,
“bye-bye, to lamar high.”
We had fun, but now we’re done
So thank you all for your time.
And the memories we had will stay with us till we die
Singin’, “this will be our final goodbye.
“this will be our final goodbye.”
So,
“bye-bye, to lamar high.”
We had fun, but now we’re done
So thank you all for your time.
And the memories we had will stay with us till we die
Singin’, “this will be our final goodbye.
“this will be our final goodbye.”
Filed under: Uncategorized
The song I sang at graduation: (I actually wrote it in September…lol)
VERSE 1:
Ten years from now,
What will we find?
When we’re twenty-eight or -nine?
Will we still smile,
Or shed a tear?
Will we remember these years?
Now I have something that I need to say,
And this just might be the last chance I get.
CHORUS:
Goodbye, Goodbye,
Goodbye, Goodbye,
Where will you be and will you still remember me?
VERSE 2:
Hard to explain,
Hard to believe,
We’ve come so close to our dreams!
When summer’s gone,
We’ll go our ways,
Thanks for the memories you gave,
Thanks for the memories you gave.
CHORUS:
Goodbye, Goodbye,
Goodbye, Goodbye,
Where will you be and will you still remember me?
Bridge:
But through the tears and the pain,
One thought remains:
Tomorrow comes closer.
As our futures divide,
We’ll take off and fly,
Higher than before!
But before we do,
I want to say once more:
CHORUS:
Goodbye, Goodbye,
Goodbye, Goodbye,
CHORUS 2:
Goodbye to the friendships, goodbye to the time,
That we spent building memories we know cannot die.
Goodbye to the people who made our eyes shine,
And to the encouraging classmate of mine,
Goodbye to the families that pulled us all through,
The support that you gave helped us more than we knew,
Goodbye most of all to all those just like me,
Where will you be and will you still remember me?
Where will you be and will you still remember me?
Where will you be and will you still remember me?
END:
I know you’ll remember me.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: autobiography, biography, blog, feelings
PART I: Who I Am Now.
This is who I am now:
My floating days are over. I can see a distant shore. I can see the people and the opportunities there. It’s amazing, and scary. The competition is fierce. But that’s where I’m headed. I should reach those shorelines in just a few days. Seeing my future laid out before me has, so far, only made me look inside at my past. Just to see if I have been prepared for what I’m about to undertake. What happened in my past might determine what happens in my future.
I was born January fifth, in a small town called Lamar, found in the southeast corner of Colorado. I entered the world about the same time that students in the local schools were getting out of classes. Of course, I don’t remember too much from then, but I know that I was taken to 1709 south 11th street, a tall brown house across from the local high school to live out my childhood.
I grew up too fast, living in the colors and creations of fall. That’s when I felt alive. When everything else was dying. Spring brought more hope and excitement, the smells, the crisp air. And summer bloomed in thriving beauty, and I came to call my backyard home before my bedroom. I will miss all of that terribly. And I hope I don’t forget what it feels like.
Kindergarten was a rush of order and smells, some not so good. I sat on an airplane on the red carpet once, and I licked the knife I used to put frosting on my birthday cake. First grade kindled my fire. I was the lead in “The Little Pine Tree” where I wished for new leaves instead of needles. I still do. Second grade I cried at detention, and grew apart from a friend I had always had. But I was the head elf in “The Shoemaker and the Elves.” Third grade I branched out. I made a puppet in a box with my head. I joined the sunshine singers, and sang in my first choir. I competed in little Olymics, and won third in standing long jump. And kept track of my little sister. Fourth grade was a wonderful year. With my favorite elementary school teacher, I had more fun than ever. Once again, I was the lead in “The Great Kapok Tree”. I got in my first and second and last fist fights. Fifth grade started with a bang. We had won state in baseball that summer. People respected us. Harry Potter hit big. He grew up as I did. A metal spud-bar nearly put my eye out. I learned that maturity was “just around the corner”.
Sixth grade was essential. I met my graduating class, and came to know many of them as close friends. Seventh grade was the best year of my life. My friendships developed and grew sturdier. I learned what it meant to play sports against other towns and found a new definition of teamwork. I was Jim Hawkins in “Treasure Island” and accidentally head-butted a pirate in the gonads. I found Christ. That made it the best year. Eighth grade I learned to develop my faith and talents. I went to Saltillo, Mexico. I ran 150 miles, a record, that I’m hoping will be broken soon. Good luck, Haggards.
As a freshman, I tried to steer through a world of uncertainty and sorrow. I became really sick, but I got over it. Clay passed away. I caught a relapse of the flu. Depression can kill your body. I started in Baseball, and would become a 4-year-letterman. My granddad died. I cried more that year than ever. I can’t pretend that it didn’t make me hardened. It takes a lot for me to cry now. Sophomore year was the year of decisions. Terry moved away. The church was without a worship leader and youth pastor. At the end of the year, I stepped up to the plate, both literally and figuratively as the new worship leader. My friendships continued to develop as I decided to live life with optimism. Junior year disappointed me. I lettered in all sports, played a big role in “The Man Who Came to Dinner”, and the lead role in “Flowers for Algernon”, became a member of SHOK, and achieved many other things, but found myself always depressed. I found that my friends didn’t believe the same things I did, even when they claimed to occasionally. I felt betrayed. I would not partake. I didn’t realize then that this change they were going through didn’t mean that our friendships were deteriorating. I’m sorry I couldn’t realize that sooner. Through it all, I found one shining light. Ash. Senior year came, and I had to reform the bonds that had broken the previous year. Ash was gone, and I struggled. But friendships grew stronger. I was the lead in “The Music Man” and had a great time as Fredrick in “Noises Off”. I received the Senior Athlete award by default, and was accepted into the only college I applied to. That year was definitely second best. Wonderful memories were made, and now, having to leave them behind, I want to cry. Thanks to all for a great senior year.
Then I was floating. Floating in between high school and college: the ground and the sky. I was scared to leave my roots, and excited to gain my wings. Now, I can feel my roots snapping. I can feel my wings sprouting, and as I drift in this sea of transition, I feel the edge of an epiphany. My future is waiting, and I’m going to go get it.
I will see you on the shore.
PART II: Clubs, Teams, Casts, and more.
I’m going to miss so many things about this place I grew up in. It would take me forever to list everything and everyone, but here is some of the people that I feel I owe a word to. If you didn’t find yourself in this list, I am terribly sorry. I’m not forgetting about you, I just can’t write to everyone.
Sports:
Alex – You are hilarious… It’s really been fun to play on the same team with you for so long. Above sports, though, you’re an awesome person, who knows what they believe and doesn’t waver. Don’t lose that! Good luck this season and this school year. I’ll be back for the whistle game, so you better get, like….. 400 yards or something. And win.
Austin – Dang. I’ll always remember the guy who made me forget my locker combo. I must have been funny. Anyway, thanks for everything. You’re such a funny guy, and the jokes from nationals will always remind me of the good old days. I’ll miss playing with you.
Cade – Hey, man. It was awesome to see your effort and determination on the field. I always felt safe with you on defense. Thanks for the good times and laughs. I’ll miss them.
Casey – I almost want to cry when I think that I won’t be starting two-a-days soon with you and Taylor. We were the ones who made the plays, who got the yards. We were an awesome team, and I’m going to miss that so much! Thanks for sticking it out in basketball. Thanks for everything you’ve done for me over those past years of sports. I’m really going to miss playing with you. Good luck.
Dylan – You can be all little pain in the butt sometimes, but when it came time to play, you put your game face on. It was a lot of fun playing with you. Personally, I don’t think I could have made it through basketball season without you. You brought a light-hearted atmosphere to practice, and I think Coach Dorenkamp has softened up because of it! Anyway, I’ll really miss playing with you. Good luck this next year.
Garrett – You’re funny, man. I know the teams picked on you some, but I respect the fact that you can let it roll off. I can’t say the same about myself. I hope things go well for you this next year. I’m sure they will. Good luck.
Hall – I know things didn’t exactly turned out the way you planned your senior year, but it was so much fun playing football with you. Some of the memories that make me most emotional thinking about are the ones from football, when we worked so hard as a unit. I will miss playing with you, and I wish you the best of luck in the Philippines.
Jason – Hey. You have a journal full of stuff from me, but I’ll just mention it again. It was so much fun playing with you for all of these years. Your determination never ceases to inspire me. Thanks for all the memories. It’s been fun. Good luck in Trinidad, and God bless.
Josh – Man. I’ve already said a lot in a certain journal, but I’m going to miss going on those Big R trips so much… I mean a lot. Thanks for the good times, and remember to keep in touch.
John – You are a wacky kid, John… No, you’re cool. I’ll miss laughing at/with you at practices. A lot. Remember when you dislocated your finger? Lol! Well, good luck in college. That’s where I hear you’re headed. But really, you have a good heart, man. Don’t lose it.
Jordan – GEEZ, JORDAN! I’M GOING TO MISS CATCHING YOU! Dang it all! Anyway, I’ve already spared myself these comments by writing in your journal, so I won’t write them again. But I will say I’ll miss playing with you so much, and I wish you the best of luck in Trinidad. It was fun.
Shane – I know I’ve already told you a lot of what I wanted to say, but I’m going to miss playing with you. The Big R days were the best days of my life, and I wish I could just relive some of them. Thanks for all of those times and for always being an awesome friend. Adios. Good luck, and God Bless.
Shaun – Hey, it’s been fun playing with you for these past years. It’s been a blast to see you grow so passionately about what you do, and acting with you in the Music Man was awesome. I really hope things go well for you in the future, and I’ll miss playing with you and the guys. God bless.
Taylor – Geez, I’m really going to miss playing with you. Like I told Casey, we were a team in football. We were the playmakers. I’ve already said a bunch in your journal, but I’ll just say again that I’ll miss you, dude. Good luck with college, I know you’ll do fine.
Troy – Man, it’s been fun these last few years! I’m so glad you came back to Lamar! It still makes me sad to think that I’ll never get to see you take someone out for me again in football. I miss it so much. Troy, I am also so happy to see you decide to follow Christ. Working with you in Kansas City was a blast, and I’ve found that you truly have a heart of service. Hard work, blood and sweat means nothing to you if you’re making someone else happy. You’re awesome. Don’t change. I’m going to miss you, dude. Good luck in college, and God bless.
Music/Drama:
Carey – Hey best friend! Dude, you have such a heart for Jesus, and I admire that so much! I’m really going to miss seeing you once I’m in college, but I know you won’t forget about me. I certainly won’t forget about you, so don’t worry. I got a new phone, so you’ll have to send me your number again. Good luck in all that you do, and God bless.
Catherine – I’m really, really sad that you weren’t in NoteAbes this past year, but I understand completely. I hope this comment doesn’t offend you, but you were a hoot! You could always make me laugh! I’m going to miss being around you. Whether it was NoteAbles, or the Music Man, you always took your role with tons of determination. Man, I’ll miss you. But hey, we’ll always be most likely to make it big! Especially when we really are big!
Darby – Oh, where to begin? I hold nothing against you. You are awesome. I still think that our friendship is an example that the world should see. We definitely did not believe the same things, and the opinions we had didn’t always coincide, but we’ve been friends for so long! I hate getting cheesy, but love is what it’s all about, isn’t it? Thanks so much for that. I’m really going to miss your sense of humor! You may not know it, but there were so many times that I wished I could be funny like you. Man, I’ll miss you. Keep in touch.
Geoff – Man, it was fun acting with you. I’ll never forget when your beard fell off! Anyway, one of the things that I love most about acting is you get put in a whole other world with the people your acting with, and face whatever conflicts the script throws at you. It definitely brings you closer to the people on stage with you. More than just about anything else, I will really miss acting with you guys. It was fun.
Ian – Man, things have been weird throughout our lifetimes! We started out best buds, and then split, and then kind of reformed as NoteAbles members. Throughout it all, though, you’ve been such a cool guy to hang around with. You’re hilarious! I will really miss being around you. (Although my adam’s apple might not) It’s been fun.
Kaley – Awwww. I’m gonna miss you. I really didn’t know you at all before high school, but now I’ve found that you’re such an awesome person to be around! I’ll never forget you busting open your eye backstage. I said it then, and I’ll say it again: you’re a trooper! You finished the show with blood gushing from your face! Lol! But what really got me is Kansas City. I really didn’t know what to expect, but I found that you had such an amazing will to help others! To be honest, I really wish that I could be that compassionate. You’re awesome, and I’ll miss you.
Other:
Breanna – You are so funny! I miss the drama-filled middle school days when we were tight! Lol. Anyway, I will miss you and your laugh! I hope that things go well with you in whatever you do. God bless.
Brittney – I know I’ve already said a lot to you in a journal, but I’ll miss you so much! Once again, your laugh can crack me up any time. I can only hope I find someone at Belmont with the same laugh. Thank you for all the good times. Good luck.
Carissa – Man, I’m going to miss you! I’ve already told you in a certain journal, but you are one of my most favorite childhood friends! You’re pretty much awesome, and I will miss you so much. Good luck at DePaul, and I’ll see you at Thanksgiving!
Jared – You’re funny, man. I’ll miss journalism, and how lazy we were. If you’re doing it again this year, good luck. Don’t sell too many ads!
Jenna – It was fun getting to know you at the Square Dancing convention. You are such a kind person, and I hope things go well for you wherever life takes you. Good luck, and God bless.
Jesse – Looking back, I’m a little embarrassed of square-dance practice. We were dorks. Anyway, thanks for the fun times there, and good luck with your senior year! God bless.
Kent – Man, it’s been fun. Remember when you choked Russell out, and then I told you you probably shouldn’t? Lol! That trip was fun. Even though I really didn’t get to know you a lot, I will miss your happy-go-lucky attitude. Good luck.
Lindsay – I have already said a lot to you in your journal, but I’ll just say it again: I’m going to miss you so much! I can’t imagine high school without you. You have such a caring, compassionate personality, and I hope you never lose it. Thanks for all the good times, and good luck!
Russell – It’s been fun growing up with you since 7th grade. We will always be locker partners for life! You are an awesome person, dude. I will really miss all of your eccentricities and funny quirks. They are good, don’t change! Good luck with everything that might come your way, and God bless.
Sunny – You are hilarious. I will always have that journalism tape of me interviewing you to remind me of the funny times we had in that class. Good luck in everything you do.
Shuray – When does your CD come out? I was hoping that when I become a famous singer like you, we could sing a duet? Shurday, you were hilarious on the trip to North Carolina. I will miss your personality and just hanging around with you. And if you want to sing, sing. It’s good for you!
PART III: Childhood Friends.
Looking back, I can see that my life was full of friendships that I sadly never got the opportunity to develop. And I can’t help noting my regrets. You’ll see that word a lot in the next several lines.
I started out at Twila’s, with a bunch of awesome kids that I have now grown very distant from. I regret never telling Earl the impact he had on me, and I fear I’ve missed my opportunity to tell Twila the same.
I regret never being able to play high school sports with Jade. We would have made good buds.
I regret never being able to hang out with the Sicklebowers during school. Rhaeli and Jerica – this might sound weird, but you both have grown up so much! I can’t even recognize you two in pictures now, and I really regret feeling so distant. I’d be surprised if you even remember me. Kerissa – I really, really regret not having more time for our old friendship. Hopefully sometime we can catch up.
And even though they didn’t go to Twila’s, I regret not hanging out with Brendon and Brandon more. There were many fun times at their house a long, long time ago.
To Justin Moore – I regret that things had to hit you as hard as they did. I really don’t know you well now, but you were my bud in second grade, and I hate that I never made contact. I hope that life treats you well.
I’ll really regret not being able to watch the White kids grow up as well. CJ – When I knew you, you were such an awesome person, and I know you’ll continue to grow in humility. And just grow period! I’d bet you probably have a good 2 inches on me now! Meagan and Emily – You two could always make me smile, and I really wish I could see you now, because I know I would be impressed with the young ladies you’ve become.
And even above and beyond just childhood friends, I regret with bitterness that I couldn’t spend more time with Clay. He is my only example of an immature friendship that I will never have the opportunity to let flourish. I’m sorry. Clay – I will never pretend that I was better. You belonged behind the plate. You were our catcher, and as far as I’m concerned, you still are. I made a much better center fielder, anyway! I’m sorry that you never got to fulfill your dream by playing Savage Baseball. I’m still left looking forward to the day when I was supposed to play with you again. And most of all, like I’ve said hundreds of times before, “I’m sorry that my fire refused its flame”.
Ritara – I will just tell you now that I miss you. You were such an awesome person when I knew you, and I wish I could just go back in time to get to know you again. I regret that we never got the time to become closer friends, and I hope that one day, I’ll get to hang out with you again. Or maybe even ride bikes again. Geez, I’m going to cry…
Brooke – You left too soon for my taste! I have really missed your creativity and eccentricities. I regret how awkward it feels when you come here, because of our deteriorating friendship. Thank you for the motivation and competition you have instilled in me, even though you’re probably totally unaware of it. Good luck in whatever life brings.
I realize now that I should have utilized my opportunities a bit better. I spent these later years waiting for these friendships to bloom again, telling myself that there was always more time left. Now, my time in this place is done, and my opportunities were wasted. So to all who I have mentioned above: Goodbye. I wish things could have been different.
PART IV: Leaders and Role-Models
This part is dedicated to the many older people who influenced me for the brief time I knew them.
Aanna, Alyssa, Amber, Cathy, Bronson, Shahn – You guys were all incredible people. I’m sure you never realized, but part of me really admired all of you at one point in time, and that same part really wished it could be like you. Thank you all for your genuine empathy you always displayed. I miss you all.
Hansen – What can I say? It seemed like we were always cranky and pubescent toward each other, but I really enjoyed your friendship. (Even though the school FORBIDS such a thing as friendship…) I looked forward to your class every day, I’m not joking. And you, Mark, and me kicked so much journalism butt! We were pretty much the Journalism trinity or something. But really, I miss you. It was fun.
Melanie – I REALLY, REALLY miss you and your incredible sense of humor. Someday, I hope that I can have a close friend like you around all the time, because I’d probably never stop laughing. On top of that, I admire your wisdom so much! If I had to name a church function that I miss most, it would be those Wednesday night bible studies/ discussions with you. Seriously! I got SO MUCH out of those discussions! I miss you, and I’ll definitely have to see you again sometime.
Laura Roberts – Thank you so much for your wisdom in my Christian walk. You were there when I was just an infant in my faith, and in your own way, you helped me through so much. You are an awesome role model, and I miss being around you. (You’re hilarious!) Thanks again.
Lisa Mendenhall – I will never, ever forget seeing “Silent Hill” with you! But on a more serious note, I always appreciated your soft-hearted character and empathy. Thank you for going to Alaska and teaching us all so much. I will miss your sense of humor!
Gram – Oh, Gram! I think you will still be my role model even when I’m 50 years old. If there is any woman in the world who would fit my criteria of the kind, wise, hard-working, active, grandmother type, you would share the role with my own grandma. You have taught me so much since I’ve known you, and your kindness and wisdom I will always remember and carry with me. Thank you so much for all the effort you’ve put into the lives of kids like me. The world appreciates it.
Leah – You might not know it, but you gave me so much support while I was in school! I’ll never forget physical science. I was always bored out of my mind. I was always in the mood to just stand and scream! To rebel! You were my example in that dark classroom, constantly showing me a consistency that I could cling to. Thank you for your example. Sometimes just living by God’s will can affect others. It affected me. Thank you so much. I plan on visiting!
Terry – I can’t even begin to describe your impact on me. Without you, I really don’ know where I’d be right now. What would my goals look like? Where would I be headed? None of those questions can be answered, and it does no good to dwell on what-if’s, but I said all of this to remind myself of your contribution to my life. Without your efforts, I might not have found Christ. I might not have been so adamant about learning guitar because I watched you worship every Sunday. Above those things, I can’t count the subtle lessons you always taught, and I tried my best to catch every one. Even by your leave, I have been thrust into a leadership position that was been an AWESOME thing for me, and will benefit me for what I plan to do. I can’t thank you enough, and I hope that I’ll get the chance to see you again someday.
PART V: Brothers and Sisters in Christ
Wow. Where do I begin? You all have been through so much with me!
I will go alphabetically!
Brent – You’re a funny guy… But seriously, it was a joy working with you in Kansas City, and hearing your goals and dreams about your future. Hold on to them. They are yours, and no one else should be able to pressure you to compensate. You’re an awesome person, and I have to admit, I’ll miss picking on you!
Bobbie – I never really knew you that well, but I really do appreciate your enthusiasm. It seemed like no matter who you brought to youth group, you showed them what worship is. Just keep shining!
Courtney – Man, have we been through a lot! I have seen you grow up so much since Mackenzie came along. She is definitely the most beautiful baby I’ve seen! I’m really going to miss you. You add a certain brightness I can’t explain when you walk into the room. I’m always so glad to see you. Thank you so much. I’ll miss you.
Evan – I have always admired how sturdy you always are with your opinions and beliefs. You’re never scared to voice them! Your constant love for the love-hungry has also been something that has always amazed me. Some of the people who pushed my last buttons were people that you openly embraced. You’re awesome. I’ll miss you, dude.
Kenton – You’re a hoot! I’ve got to admit, I love the mullet. I like how you hold to your beliefs and opinions, no matter who tells you differently: you need to see proof. Don’t forget to keep an open mind at times (but not so open your brains fall out!) Thank you for your constant laughs.
Kerri – Man… I don’t know what to say. You are so funny! I love the fact the you always seem so composed and calm. It was incredible to work with you in Kansas City and Alaska, and even more so, it was really fun playing with you in the praise band. I’m always impressed with your harmonies, and I really, REALLY appreciate everything you’ve done for that band. I’m really going to miss you. As far as Kansas City goes, I wish you the best of luck. Thinking about your situation makes me want to cry, but I trust that things will turn out for the best. I’m praying for you.
Kim – Awwww, Kim. When are we getting tattoos??? You are so funny, and so intelligent. I have always enjoyed your company a lot. Your harmonies in the praise band were kick-butt as well. I will miss playing with you guys so much!!!!!! (Don’t tell, but I especially liked the Sundays when it was just the Mundell’s and the Brown’s.) Anyway, I’ll be praying for you and the trials before you. I can’t imagine how things must be for you and your family, but I know that things will turn out for the best. Thanks for everything.
Kirstin – I know that I’ve already said a lot in the journal, but I really will miss you. You are such an amazing person with an amazing heart. (and voice!) I can’t fully say how your friendship has influenced me and others, but I’m so glad I got to know you. Good luck and God Bless.
Leola – I already miss you! I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there to tell you goodbye. I don’t think I can pinpoint what I liked most about you. I think it was just your personality as a whole. Your unexpected outbursts, your hilarious comments, and your inquisitive perspective with your faith. It always seemed like you were hungry for more knowledge, and I think that’s an awesome trait. Although I don’t know specifics, I know that life has not been an easy ride. Know I’m praying for you, and I wish you the best of luck in Trinidad. I know we will see each other again.
Sara – You’re awesome! I miss hanging out with you, and I’ll miss it even more in a few days. You have always been there, and shared many laughs with me. You have such a kind heart. Thank you for your constant empathy, and good luck with Pueblo. I hope everything goes well for you here.
Sean – Oh, boy! You can say some pretty funny things sometimes, Sean. I really can’t imagine youth group without you! Keep chasing your dreams with the military, and with a position in the praise band, and I’ll be rooting for you!
PART VI: The Others
These people below mean so much to me. I either couldn’t place them in any category, or I couldn’t decide which category to place them in, because they do so much!
Daniel – Man, we’ve been through a lot. I know I’ve already told you so much in that journal, but you have been such an awesome friend through and through. I’ll miss playing with you in One Diddy Down! But I’ll see you at Thanksgiving! Good luck at Harvard, smarty pants.
Faust – What would I do without the Faust? Man, you have done so much for me over these past 3 years. If I said I fully appreciated it, I’d be lying, ’cause you’ve done so much I don’t think I can fully appreciate it. You’re awesome. You were the one to give me this opportunity to play. Because of you, I have gained so much experience as a worship leader, and as just a leader in general. Thank you so much for that. And above all of what you’ve taught me, thank you for your friendship. I must admit that I was hesitant when we first interviewed you, but you have made such a genuine impact on that church and on the lives of the kids and people there, I couldn’t think of ever regretting it. Whenever I was down, and whenever things were rough, you were there. Thanks for that. I could say a lot more, but I feel like this will suffice for now. ? Keep in touch, and don’t even think about getting anyone else for winter retreat!
Mark – I will tell you about the same things I told Daniel. Check your book. Lol. But even though I’ve said most of what I wanted to say, I’ll just say thank you again for your friendship and support through these years. It’s been so fun getting to know you and play with you in One Diddy Down. I will miss it all so much. God bless.
Steph – Oh man, your awesome! I’ve already told you so much in your journal, but here is some more stuff. You have been with me for as long as I can remember, and it’s been so much fun! I can’t imagine my life without you. You’ve been a huge part of me, and I will never forget you. I’ll miss you so much! Keep in touch, and good luck with everything!
PART VII: Scores Unsettled.
If I have ever said the words “regret”, I have never meant them as much as I mean them now. All of these things I wish I could take back. None I can.
Justin, Josh, Dustin: I am truly sorry. I screwed up big time, and I hope that you won’t ever think I did it on purpose. I didn’t. I love you guys. You are (were) my friends and teammates. I just misinterpreted some things I saw, told the wrong people, and the whole thing blew up. Please don’t think that I didn’t try to make things right, because I did. I really did. I have already apologized once, and I hope that the second time is a charm. I feel horrible, and I know it can’t compare to the crap you had to endure. I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I screwed up. I hope you can forgive me.
Mrs. Harpsnieder: (I really don’t know how to spell that). I just want to say that I am very glad I got a “B” in your class, because I would have been a lot less happy about my senior year if I had to give up SHOK or yearbook to take physics. I told people you were being unfair. I was wrong. I earned the grade I received, and I am a happier person because of it. I’m sorry.
To my classmates: Because I know that there were times I seemed cold-hearted or selfish. I am sorry.
Hansen: I am sorry for ever belittling or poking fun at what you believe. I know that at times you were offended. I should have respected your beliefs, even though I disagreed. I’m sorry.
Carlos G.: I am so sorry if I stepped on your toes. I was selfish. I was wrong. Please forgive me.
To all the people who have felt excluded or left out because of me: I am sorry for not showing you more kindness. Please know that I would never do it on purpose.
PART VIII: Extended Family
To all of my cousins, aunts, uncles, ect. Thank you guys for your constant support throughout my lifetime. I really appreciate it all, and I’ll miss seeing you guys. Once Christmas comes, though, I should be back to visit!
Cody and Austin – I wish I could have spent more time with you guys. I’m sorry I didn’t make it up to Rye this summer. There was just too much going on. Good luck, and have fun with whatever life brings.
Jared and Calandra – I hope things are going well with both of you. Jared: good luck with college, don’t get into too much trouble. I hope to see you both at Christmas. (As well as Tyran and Mackenna)
Kinzie, Kelby, Kylan, and Rustin – Every time I see you guys you have grown up a little more. I hope I can recognize you at Christmas! Good luck with school and sports and everything else that comes your way.
Kyle and Sharla – You two are always fun to be around, and your kids are awesome! Thanks for the support throughout the years, and I will hopefully see you at Christmas.
Rod and Julie – Thanks for your never ending laughs and advice. Your kids are so awesome, and I know they’ll all grow up to be wonderful people. Thanks again, and good luck with tuition and college and things that are about to hit!
Paula and Greg – I always seem to see you two, but never at the same time! Thanks for your support throughout the years, and I will hopefully see you all at Christmas time.
Loyd and Marylin – It’s always fun going to your house for thanksgiving. It has always been a hoot! Thanks for always opening up your house like that, and for the fun times I’ve had there. Your support throughout the years has been awesome!
Darwin and Donnell – Thanks for the many times I’ve stayed at your house over the years, and for all your support. You both are so kind, and I really appreciate all you’ve done.
Jeremy and Brenda – I am still so happy for both of you. I know your kids (and future kids???) will grow up to be awesome people, and I hope for the best between you. Good luck, and I will see you all at Christmas.
Grandma Hansen – You are always fun to be around. You are the most gentle, calm, relaxed person I know. I wish I liked fishing more so that I could get more chances to be around you! Thank you for your wisdom and support for your grandchildren. You are a wonderful grandmother. Goodbye for now, and I will see you again come Christmas.
Justina and Kelley – You two are always a bunch of laughs. I can’t wait to come back at Christmas time and see how much you’ve grown, though! Justina: good luck with your 4H adventures and with school. We all know you had one of the best steers! Kelley: I can’t wait to see you put some of that infinite energy into doing something your passionate about! You’ll go far! Goodbye for now!
Don and Sue – Thank you for your constant hospitality and patience through the years. I’ll never forget about you hosting us for state baseball and for meeting with me whenever I would go up there. I will miss seeing both of you, but I promise, I will be back for Christmas. Good luck with the kids and with everything else that might come your way.
Grandma and Grandpa – Wow. What can I say? You two have taught me so much about life! Your testimonies and experiences always inspire me. (And Grandpa’s poems and stories he tells at the dinner table) I am a harder working person because of you two. Grandma, I will never find a meatloaf as good as yours! Grandpa: Most of my best jokes come from you. I won’t ever forget you guys, and I will really miss you while I’m gone. Good luck with the ranch, and I will see you at Christmas.
PART IX : Close Family and Close Enough
Mom – I honestly hope you don’t ever read this! What can I say to the woman who raised me? Can I even come close to expressing my thanks? I’ve decided, no. Not at this time. As all children, I have always taken for granted the things that you have done for me, and I am eternally grateful, but those words are not enough. Right now, there are no adequate words in my entire arsenal that are enough to express my love and thanks to you and dad. Just know that I’ll always love you, and you and dad will always be the first ones on the list for good news from college. Thank you so much. I love you.
Dad – Despite anything I have ever said, I am so glad that you are my father. You and mom took a chance in raising me. You let me decide what to believe, what to follow, what to be interested in, ect. You guys threw me in the water, and I’m so thankful that you recognized that I was the kind of person who could swim with the right opportunities. Who I am today is because of your patience and parenting. I couldn’t have asked for a better time here. Like I said to mom, words are not truly enough, but thank you so much for everything. I love you.
Mandi – Man things just seem to suck for you lately, huh? Lol. They will get better. You’re not cursed or anything. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, and one day, you’ll see it was all for a reason. Keep walking with what you believe. Wherever and whatever church that takes you to. And no, you cannot have my room. ‘Cause in all honesty, I’ll be home again before you know it. Heck, high school will be over before you know it. And then we can go to the Harry Potter theme park. WOOT! Anyway, I’m sure I will be messaging you while I’m there, and I’ll probably hear all about you from other people. It will be like I never left! But really, Mandi. I’ll be gone soon. This is your time to shine. People forget pretty quickly about what kids do in this town. You’ve already stepped up to the plate, and now it’s your turn to hit the homers. You are every bit as talented as I ever was. Truth. You just need to discover it, and now that I’m out of the way, you can. Good luck. Watch for me on iTunes and on TV with the whole “Christmas at Belmont” thing. I will be in one of the choirs. Lol. Oh yeah. MAKE SOMEONE record your plays ’cause I want to see them! Goodbye. Love you. God Bless, and have an awesome sophomore year. Things will only get better for you now.
Ash – Where to start? When did we meet? I remember you hitting your head on a light in sunshine singers, but I didn’t know you. Since then, God has kept pushing us in the same directions, and it seemed for the longest time I was too stupid to realize this push! I am starting to recognize them now, looking back. I am reading a book entitled “When God Winks at You.” I think you’d like it. It’s about how God uses people and circumstances to communicate to us. I have experienced this first-hand one night when asking God what he really wanted for my life.
First off, I don’t know if you can really understand this story if I didn’t tell you that it never really feels like these songs I write come from me. The best way to describe them is that they come to me, often in full form! I just write them down and figure them out. When they come to me, though, I hear lyrics, melodies, chord structures, guitar sequences, all fully formed in my head.
So here’s the story: one night not too long ago, I decided that it was way past time to ask God, “even though I think I know what I want from my life, I really need to know what you want from my life.” I was at the point where I needed to find out if my plans matched God’s will, because if they didn’t, my plans would need to change! Anyway, right after I asked God this question, a song came to me. In full form. Jon Foreman always says that there is a song inside one’s soul that one can never write no matter how hard they try. I totally agree, but this song was the closest I had ever come.
Well, for minutes on end, I was lost in that song until I realized that the answer to my question had come. I knew then where God wanted me.
Unfortunately, when I woke up the next morning, I couldn’t remember that song for the life of me. (That was EXTREMELY frustrating.) To this day, I can only remember one line, and no melody. It was: “…And this tune means I’m doing what’s right,” It’s funny how I knew that line before I knew the answer to my question, and now it is the only line that stays with me.
I guess by telling this story, I wanted to tell you not to worry about me. Because I want what God wants, things will work out for the best in the end, no matter what that product is. I hope that this not only helps you with your searching, but comforts you. Here is something that I’ve always wanted to share with you.
I know you know this, but I love metaphysical poetry! (Even though others get very bored with it) This is one by a genius named John Donne. I hope you look up others by him, but this is the best thing to leave you with. I hope you enjoy it. And whenever you think of love, think of a math compass!
A VALEDICTION FORBIDDING MOURNING.
by John Donne
AS virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
“Now his breath goes,” and some say, “No.”
So let us melt, and make no noise, 5
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
‘Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.
Moving of th’ earth brings harms and fears ;
Men reckon what it did, and meant ; 10
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.
Dull sublunary lovers’ love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, ’cause it doth remove 15
The thing which elemented it.
But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss. 20
Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to aery thinness beat.
If they be two, they are two so 25
As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix’d foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th’ other do.
And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam, 30
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.
Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th’ other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just, 35
And makes me end where I begun.
Thanks for everything. I love you.
PART X: Conclusion.
This is who I will be:
As I lay here now, enjoying the comfort of my bed, which I will not feel for months, I can’t help thinking something big is coming. There’s life on the horizon, and there’s death in the foreground. To make it to that revival in the distance, I have to lay down my life here. But that’s ok. I’ve let go of life before. And therefore things will be easier for me, because it is no longer mine to let go of! I’ve given my life up to more secure hands, and they will guide me through that valley of the shadow of death. I won’t fear.
The sand is at my feet now. My toes and fingers have grown pruney from the salty sea, but they will soon dry. The sun welcomes me out of the water’s depths, and I know that this is where I belong. I miss the old shore. The friends, the experiences. I even miss the journey here. But it’s time I stopped focusing I who I was, and start focusing on who I’ll become. I know it’s big. I feel it coming. Lord prepare me.
The epiphany has started.
